Wishful thinking
Walking back up to my apartment, I had a growing sense of anticipation. I’m not sure why because I’m not even talking to someone, yet there was something inside of me that was telling me, maybe there will be a surprise. Maybe I’ll have some wonderful secret admirer. And just like the scene from 500 Days of Summer, my expectations did not meet reality.
But today was still a lovely day. My test was fairly easy so I think I did well. Its so nice to hear people’s plan and seeing people in love/starting to fall in love/ begininning stages of dating. I feel their excitement and their happiness and the fact that they just can’t contain their joy. I also like the sprinkle of negativity, the people who are just “too cool” for valentine’s day; “It’s a stupid holiday anyway” or my personal favorite ” I don’t celebrate valentine’s day, but I think I’m going to treat myself to a box of chocolates anyway.”
Other things to note, noticing how much I have changed in a year and how much I have remained the same. Reoccurring themes always have a way of springing themselves up spring semester. I can’t really tell if my actions are really aligned with my values, with who I want to be in the future. Everything seemed so clear just a month ago. Everything was so set, and now, I just don’t know. Lately, everything has felt like a task. My inspiration level is pretty low, which is alarming because it doesn’t take much to inspire me.
I just want to do a good job in everything I have committed myself to. But I have a sneaky suspicion that something will have to give. However, I’m beginning to enjoy the night. The night when I’m up so late working or studying, and it just feels like I’m the only one awake in the whole world. I’m beginning to fall in love (such a strong word) with coffee shops—the smell, the atmosphere, the random eclectic group of people who choose to congregate there.
Always hopeful that something amazing will happen. Maybe I should just stop watching movies and reading novels, then maybe, just maybe, my expectations of wonderful spontaneous events will decrease. Till then, dreamer till I die.
